Ease Your Child's Grief: Accessible Resources for Every Heart
Grief is a deep, raw human experience, as natural as the seasons changing. And just like us all, children and people with intellectual disabilities face the pain of loss. Though they might not always find the words to tell us, they feel that ache in their hearts just as profoundly.
For caregivers and professionals, finding the right way to support them can sometimes feel like walking in uncharted territory. How do we adapt our approach to truly meet them where they are, helping them make sense of loss in a way that resonates with their unique processing styles and developmental stage? I suggest an ecological approach, rooted in acceptance and an appreciation for the interconnectedness of all things delivered with full validation of their feelings. We must meet their grief with empathy, offering tools that are accessible and speak to their hearts.
To help light the way, I've gathered a list of resources designed with this compassionate, person-centered approach in mind. These tools are crafted to foster healthy coping and honor their individual journey through loss, gently guiding them towards understanding and healing.
Simplified Stories & Visual Aids
Look for books with clear, simple language and expressive images. These narratives help demystify concepts of death and loss in a way that's easy to grasp, offering comfort through relatable experiences. Many resources specifically designed for children with special needs use social story formats.
For parents and caregivers—
Helping People with Developmental Disabilities Mourn: Practical Rituals for Caregivers. Meant for professionals but includes examples of practical rituals.
Making Sense of Death and Autism. By the parent of a child with autism who lost his grandfather, from the NYTimes.
Let’s Talk About Death brochure from Down Syndrome Scotland to help start a conversation about feelings of loss
Supporting People with Disabilities Coping with Grief and Loss an easy-to-read booklet from the National Association for Down Syndrome.
To read with your loved one—
When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death. Recommended for ages 4-7. (This book is part of a series, Dino Tales: Life Guides for Families.)
Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children. This book uses nature to explain the cycles of life and death. Recommended for ages 3-6.
The Goodbye Book. Recommended for ages 2-4.
I Miss You: Grief and Mental Health Books for Kids. Recommended for ages 3-7.
The Invisible String Workbook: Creative Activities to Comfort, Calm, and Connect. Recommended for ages 4+.
Visual supports can help prepare for and process events like funerals or memorial services, providing predictability in a time of upheaval.
Going to a Funeral Social Story. This 28-page resource illustrates a Christian burial. Caregivers can include or exclude pages as needed.
The National Association for Down Syndrome created the simple visual aid packet, “What is Death?” and an Easy to Read Grief and Loss Booklet that uses simple illustrations to explain illness, death, and grieving
Photo Albums: For sharing memories and facilitating discussions about the person who died.
Sensory Activities for Expression
Grief isn't just about words. Engage senses with activities like creating a "memory box" filled with comforting objects, listening to soothing music, or engaging in gentle movement.
Elemental material to aid in grieving—
Natural Objects: Leaves, stones, twigs, flowers, shells. These can be used in art, memory creations, or outdoor activities. Pouring water back into a stream and observing fallen trees both connect grief to natural cycles. Wind chimes and fluttering leaves remind us that what we cannot see is not necessarily gone.
Gardening Supplies: Planting a seed or a small plant in memory of someone can be a powerful symbol of life, growth, and hope. This is meant to be a secular resource but the Eastern Orthodox account is particularly relevant and might be of comfort. This tradition strongly prefers burial and minimal intervention on the departed’s remains with the understanding that the body is not disposed of but returned to await their resurrection. Burial covers remains with soil as would a seed when planted and there is meaning in that with or without the expectation of an afterlife.
Art and play therapy techniques are incredibly powerful. Provide materials like clay, paint, or building blocks, and allow for free, unguided expression of emotions. This offers a safe space for feelings that might be too big for words.
Sandplay Therapy works on this principle. The organization Sandplay Therapists of America offers Jungian interpretations of their client’s play and I think I should amplify that point. The concepts at hand are universal, as is the capacity to engage them. You do not need a professional to benefit from activities like this, though we are available if you would like the support. Alternatives to sandboxes include: figurines, finger paint (in a plastic baggie, if needed), crayons and blank paper, giant cardboard boxes, play dough, art supplies for mask-making, old clothes for costumes, simple musical instruments, dollhouses, and puppets.
Offer Rituals
The Boggs Center has a particularly useful handout for ritualizing grief. It is meant for use with people with intellectual disabilities but the lessons apply to all of us.
Visits to physical memorials like headstones offer time and space to grieve, but they can be as simple as a photo of the departed on the counter. When placed in a communal setting like the kitchen, memorials serve as a visible reminder that we do not grieve alone.
Heavenly birthday celebrations or anniversaries of joyful events shared with the departed guide us from pain
Regular opportunities to share stories about the deceased bring their life back into focus and reassure us they they will be remembered.
Accessible Therapy & Support
Seek out therapists or counselors specializing in grief who have experience adapting their methods for diverse learners. Many focus on play-based or expressive therapies that are inherently accessible.
Support groups specifically designed for children or individuals with intellectual disabilities can foster a sense of shared understanding and reduce isolation. These groups prioritize gentle communication and create an accepting atmosphere where everyone's grief is honored. One such established organization, The Doughy Center, hosts peer grief support programs, with a program near me search function. The center also offers online resources for kids, teens, young adults, and families and friends
Alternately, online resources offer privacy and autonomy
National Alliance for Children's Grief offers a member’s only resource library with “a toolkit for very situation”
Vanderbilt Kennedy Center handout, Tips and Resources for Helping People With Intellectual Disabilities Cope With Loss
University of Hertfordshire’s grief management recommendations for people with Intellectual Disabilities
The Boggs Center on Developmental Disabilities share their grief handouts, and publication about helping People with Intellectual Disabilities Process Grief
In Closing
I share these resources in hopes that they offer not just coping strategies, but further to validate unique expressions of grief and ease your family’s progress toward peace. Loss is universal, an unfairness that reminds of that we are never truly alone in our sorrow. In coming and going from the world we participate in a vast physical and spiritual ecosystem, so full of mystery it veers into apparent senselessness. So we find or make sense of it, the same way we find or make a way through anything. With compassion and a clear path, children and individuals with intellectual disabilities too can navigate loss with dignity and grace.
